Twitter saves Fortnite players from knowledge that breasts are subject to forces of gravity

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By this point it can’t have escaped anyone’s attention that the new Calamity skin displays displayed limbs, a head, torso and secondary sex characteristics — also known as breasts — that were subject to gravitational forces similar to that on earth, as originally described by Sir Isaac Newton and used to prove Kepler’s laws of planetary motion. It also can’t have escaped anyone’s attention that a significant backlash ensued on Twitter, resulting in the removal of any gravitational effect on the mid-torso area of Calamity. Wittness the now removed effect of gravity on secondary sex characteristics below.

Needless to say, Epic Games immediately apologised for their use of gravity, calling it “unintended”, “embarrassing” and “careless”. We at are glad Epic Games were so quick to admit their mistake and immediately gave in to the fearless group of crusaders that still maintain the earth is flat and the centre of the universe.

On a more serious note, we do agree that it’s wholly inappropriate for children as young as 12 to in any way come into contact with covered breasts moving realistically. This was a slippery slope; after all, whats next, babies being introduced to breasts? Truly shocking behaviour from Epic Games. 

Update: Ever committed to accurate reporting, the hardworking men and women of thought it was important to respond to claims that the physics in Fortnite were unrealistic. After a great deal of research on google we can confirm that the physics employed by Epic Games was largely accurate. 


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